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Looking back. Looking ahead. Looking up.

Man. The past 26 years have been quite the rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Life lost. Countless lessons learned from mistakes repetitively made. But there's been an enormous amount of blessings received. Life gained.

What i learned most from just this past year, I'm not where I need to be and not only that but I've regressed. Some of it self inflicted, some of it just the unfortunate adversity of life itself. Looking back over the past 12 months , I've realized I just can't get out of my own way. I can't relinquish the holds over my life. The chains choking my own progression in my life. The fear of making another mistake and regression, insecurities from the guilt, being too prideful to ask for guidance . Yeah, Looking back is dark.

But in that same breath and thought I look ahead. To this year upcoming and prayerfully the years beyond that. And there is still yet hope. Hope that I don't have to be in the same situation I find myself in right this very moment. Broken, ashamed, and afraid. Insecure, fearful and prideful. Hopeless and homeless. Figuratively and literally.
No, I don't have to be in the same place I'm in now. I can be restored, shameless, fearless. Secured and humbled. Hopeful and home filled. There's so much potential in… Looking ahead.

The potential…the hope.. the perseverance. It all sounds sweet. But how will I embrace any of this. How will I know for sure that everything will work out? That I will get out of my own way, release things I have no control over? How will I know that I'm progressing and growing like I should and know I'm capable of?

By Looking up.
God is the author and finisher of my faith. He knows the plans for my life. He knew this season in my life would come. He knew that I would fail at life Over and over. And over again He knew I would mess up. That I would fall short of His Glory. But He also knows my future. His promise is still for me to have a blessed life. Not with materialist things. But with a joy that no one can take from me. An unconditional love that can never be broken. His promise also is that I won't be broken forever. I won't be in the same place that I'm in now. I will be restored and the relationships that were strained will also be restored. My financial security will improve. My spiritual walk will improve. My life overall will improve.
He knows all of this. It's a matter of me stepping back , letting Him lead, and believing that He's not through with me yet. That He's only beginning.

…And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

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[photo courtesy of bing images]

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