Cloudy. Not the sky. But that’s how my head has been the past few weeks, months.
2016 hasn’t been the best year in any regard. Just reflecting on decisions I made , the ones I didn’t make that I should’ve. It’s like I took a major step back when I should’ve progressed further. I hate beating myself up for what’s happened this year but I feel like I just can’t get out of my own way.
I’m not focused. I’m not motivated and ambitious. Not elevating myself in any aspect. Just living. Just existing.
I can’t just exist anymore. I have to elevate. I have to get back to being focused. Being determined. I just feel like there’s no drive. No push. Like my internal engine has been shut off and I’m just on autopilot.
I feel overwhelmed because of the uphill climb I have to take because of my setbacks and mistakes I’ve made.
I’m not crying out for sympathy. Just don’t like the headspace I’m in right now. I’m better than this. I just gotta get over the hill…stop shooting myself in the foot.. stop blaming myself for foolish mistakes.. take responsibility and hold myself accountable.
No one cares how hard I have it right now.
Ultimately it doesn’t how hard I have it. Doesn’t matter how hard the struggle is.
All it matters now is how bad I want to succeed. How bad I want to persevere. That’s all that matters.