THE REVIEW: “What I Wish I Knew Before Marriage”

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For the past month, my pastor, Pastor Carter,  has been preaching on a series for married couples, as well as singles and seriously dating couples. The series gave an overview on God’s intention for marriage and why He created it. Also included was a message on the two secrets to a successful marriage: Forgiveness and Repentance. You have to repent to both your spouse and God for all the sin that you’ve committed in the marriage. Then you must forgive your spouse for their sin. No relationship can work without those two key elements.

Then came the two messages that spoke to me the most. HOW TO LOVE A MAN and HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN. There’s no better way in learning how to accomplish this without looking to the perfect example of what love is. God and His Son Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul explains this example of how a Husband is to love his Wife just as how Christ loved the church. The wive, then, is to submit to her husband. Sounds simple, right? Well since we’re not perfect, we need help. Loving anyone isn’t easy, and that’s why we have to rely on the everlasting help of Jesus Christ.

Here are my notes.


1). You have to ACCEPT him. You can’t change who he is. You have to accept his past, embrace his present, and empower his future. Just realize you can’t change Pookie into Carlton, or vice versa.

2). You have to CELEBRATE him. Everyday he needs to hear “I’m proud of you” Don’t get fooled by your girlfriends or the women on real housewives into thinking that you aren’t supposed to appreciate your man…even for the things he’s supposed to do. Tell him that you appreciate what he does. Even the small stuff.

3). You have to RESPECT him. The primary way is with your words. Women are THE strongest creatures on this Earth…with their words. Your words will shape your husbands. Be careful how you use them. You will either be building up your King, or tearing down the castle that he built for you. Your words reveal your heart. If your heart is cold, the words you say won’t sound warm and soothing to him.

4). You have to SEX him. The BEST sex ever should be between a Man & a Woman, not some one night stand or a porno. No one should ever be able to outdo the sex inside of a marriage. No sex should be better. Period. Ladies, love your man sexually. How?

First, be available. Each time you tell him no, a part of his manhood gets rejected, literally. Surprise him with a ‘Yes’ more often, and be amazed at what gets done around the house more. ijs

Second, be attractive. You don’t have to go overboard and start wearing makeup if that’s something you’ve never done. And if you’re not quite a size 9, don’t panic. That’s just more for him to love on. Use that to your advantage. (;

And third, be adventurous. Last time i checked, the bible didn’t say a Husband and a Wife shall only have sex this way. Get aggressive, Be creative. Think outside the I mean box.

5). You have to FRIEND him. Be that person that plays the video game with him, or goes to the game to watch his favorite team. Talk to him about his day. Give him advice. You know, keep it real.

6). You have to FORGIVE him. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be kind to one another and to forgive one another. Remember the two secrets to a successful marriage? This is one of them. Forgive him for all the wrong he’s done. He’s messed up before, and he’s prone to mess up again. But forgive him in advance. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, look at it this way: You won’t cause the next man to operate at a deficit from erasing the baggage and hurt the last one caused that you didn’t forgive and move on from.

7). You have to HELP him. Help him succeed in every aspect of his life. He’s going to provide for you financially and protect you and the kids. Help him. Support him when he takes that next job and know that he’s doing it for you and the family. As you help him, you will help yourself. Happy wife, Happy home. Better husband, better household. Besides, Women were designed by God to be the helper. Ask Adam and Eve.

8). You have to PRAY for him. MOST IMPORTANT thing. The best thing you can do, if you can’t do 1-7 or need help with those, then Try this one FIRST. If you’re not married and are seriously dating, I encourage you to start with this one first. Invite GOD into your marriage, into your dating relationship. If you’re single, ask God to prepare both you and the person He has for you. If you’re with someone, ask Him to speak to your life, to bring discernment, to bring direction for your marriage. PRAY Everyday for your spouse!


1). You have to LOVE her. When it comes to the relationship, it’s the Man’s responsibility to love his Woman. What is love? Love is about action. It’s about saying as well as DOING. It’s something you act out and live out. It’s not just an emotion, or a feeling. Love is sacrifice. When a man decides to love one and only one woman, he has to give up something. The time with his boys, side chicks (yeah, i went there) , he has to sacrifice something.

ACTION speaks louder than words. But words still have a voice. So tell your wife, your girlfriend that you LOVE her. Women are wired to hear “I LOVE YOU” so tell her everyday. When she least expects it, when she needs it the most, when you’re sorry for something. (Basically, you will tell her that you love her every minute of the day, or something close to it) 

When you love someone, you make a choice to put someone’s needs before yours. In this case, the man is putting his Woman’s needs ahead of his. Loving is all about giving. If you’re not loving, you’re not giving.

2). You have to LEAD her. The man is the head. All throughout the bible, there are examples of this. The Husband is the head of the wife.- Ephesians 5:23. God comes to Adam and asks where is he in Genesis 2. He doesn’t go to Eve. He held Adam responsible. That principle is still the same today.

Headship does NOT mean dominate. It means responsibility. The man is responsible for the marriage. He must have a vision for the marriage. Short-term, and Long-term goals for his wife and his family.

One of the greatest challenges for a man faced with great responsibility is to check out. But there’s no time like the present to CHECK IN. A woman’s greatest need is SECURITY. Can she trust you? Can she depend on you? She wants to know can you lead her?

In order to lead, you must be led. Men lead their women SPIRITUALLY by being led first by Jesus Christ. Examples of this is of course praying for her and over her, and with her. Also holding your own personal bible study. Another effective way to do this is free her up and encourage to connect with other women and have a Women’s bible study. Encourage her to get involved in ministry. Also, be an example in your own walk with Christ! You both have an influence on each other, your personal walk with Christ will definitely strengthen your relationship with your wife or significant other!

3). You have to HUG her. Celebrate her and the talents God blessed her with. Show her affection as she so desires. But Don’t go too far. Hug her, and that’s it. Nothing else. Men desire sex. Women spell sex I-N-T-I-M-A-C-Y. It’s not all about sex. It’s about everything else. Foreplay. Women love that. And the definition of Foreplay isn’t just the pre-game activities. It’s what happens at 7 in the morning. Telling her when she first wakes up that she’s beautiful.

Men, when we’re first pursuing our women, we have all the answers. We pull out all the stops. Say all the right things. But when we get married, we get lazy. Be very very careful. The same thing we did to get our women, we MUST keep doing to keep them. No woman wants to feel like they got caught. Chase her everyday!

4). You have to FACE her. The iPhone/iPod has FaceTime. Women have it to. Only difference you don’t have to pay $199 and worry about a cracked screen.Women are designed to talk. The best way to express her intimate feelings is through her words. So communicate with her. Engage in a conversation about how her day at work. LISTEN to her. LISTEN to her heart. Don’t be quick to give advice, or find the right response to give. Hear her out. If you don’t communicate with her, she will nag you until you do. If you don’t know how to communicate…there are apps for that. Get it? Apps?..okay moving on.

5). You have to PRAY for her. PRAYER is vital for any and every relationship. Without it, the relationship would starve to death. Next to your relationship with God, the relationship you have with your wife is the most important relationship ever. You can not uphold the relationship on your own. You need help. Spiritual Help. Pray for your wife everyday! Pray over her. Pray with her. Stop what you’re doing to pray together. Pray everyday! Cover your marriage in prayer, cover your household, cover your kids in prayer. If you’re not a strong PRAY-er, ask God to give you strength and ask to help you to intercede on your spouse’s behalf.  I can’t stress enough how important it is to pray. Married, Seriously dating, or Single, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

This series touched me in ways I can’t describe. It taught me how to prepare for a marriage, and how to love my woman better. It taught me how to help my woman love me better. It uncovered some things I did not realize and things that I need to start doing. I pray that as you read those notes, that God will begin to speak to you and to touch your heart and help mold it to prepare for whichever season you’re in now and planning on going into. May God bless and keep you. be on the lookout for more sermon/bible study review posts as well as just my ordinary personal posts..



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