The final installment in Pastor Carter’s summer sermon series “S.W.B.” wraps up with a message entitled ‘Lets Just live Together’ addressing the rising epidemic of singles engaging in “shacking up” and living together before marriage. What does God’s Word have to say about that? Let’s find out..
Before I get into the sermon notes, let me just say this, when I heard this sermon the first time and again the second time to take notes, I was blown away at what all God said through my pastor. This message is so crucial in today’s time. We simply believe that living together is the new marriage. That we don’t have to have a piece of paper or even a ring to signify that we’re together officially. Truth is, that’s wrong, and the world’s view of how being together should be. As believers, we can’t just follow what’s popular. We have to adopt God’s view on this. here’s what God’s word has to say..
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Three basic principles from this verse:
- There is a responsibility to honor marriage. First part of verse 4 in chapter 13 of Hebrews says it word for word: Marriage should be honorable by all…
- Reserve sex for marriage. Again taken from this verse, ‘and the marriage bed kept pure’.
- Responsible to God. “for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” we are held accountable to the one who will judge.
Even with those basic principles, people, even believers feel that it’s okay to live together. And a problem most people experience is, they drift into it. It’s not necessarily a planned decision.. or one would think that.
Here’s 5 myths about living together.
- Myth #1: Living together is my personal choice, and shouldn’t affect anyone else’s life, so why should it matter?? Truth: It DOES matter. It’s sin, which leads to sexual sin. The definition my pastor gave to ‘living together’ is two unmarried people living together having sex for a period of at least…..one day…That’s it. Why only one day? Because that’s how it starts…
- Myth #2: Living together helps to test out the relationship and see if it will lead to marriage. Truth:Living together sabotages the chances for marriage. You can’t “test” what God has commanded to be a lifelong commitment and covenant relationship between man and woman. you can’t just try it out, and if you like it, you’ll keep it, or if you don’t, you push it aside and keep moving. It’s not like that. Trying it out is having one foot in and one foot out. Always having a plan B if it doesn’t work out. Little do you realize that’s setting up the relationship for failure by always having a backup plan, instead of trusting God and stepping out on faith.
- Myth #3: Living together is viewed by men and women equally. Truth: Men see this as sex being the greatest value in the cohabitation experience. We, as men, see this as a opportunity to “cash in” without having to put all of their chips on the table. We don’t have to make a big commitment. What ends up happening is men have problems taking responsibilities for their relationships. Instead of loving and sacrificing for your woman like a MAN, we’re just satisfied with having a woman to put our hands around, and whatever else we can get our hands on. this leads to absent fathers, a MAJOR DECREASE in REAL AUTHENTIC MANHOOD, and a SHARP INCREASE in COHABITATION. And for women, they see this as an actual step towards marriage. Some women struggle with loneliness, self esteem, so they would take any part of a man, just to have one. Some women would lower their standards just to feel happy and secured with a man, that chances are God doesn’t want you with. ‘The more you lower your standard for a man, the more a man will assume the lowest position’. Just because he/she moved in with you does not mean they will marry you. Just because they had a child with you, does not mean they will step up and marry you. Women set the unrealistic expectations of marriage when living together. So as a result, both parties don’t view living together as equal opportunity, but unequal settling
- Myth #4: Living together is the only way to save money. My pastor literally said out loud when preaching this: REALLY??? REALLY??? THAT’S THE ONLY WAY??? THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO SAVE MONEY??? Truth: There’s plenty of ways to save money WITHOUT living together. You can move in with a friend or have a friend move in with you (of the same sex, of course) to save money. Move back in with your relatives to save money. Pick up a second job. Cut back on spending. the list goes on. Basically living with your significant other before marriage just for the simple fact you want to save money is saying you’re building and focusing your relationship around money. You basically have a business agreement. “I’m just with you because you can help me pay this and that bill.” or since it is 2012, and you don’t need anyone to help you pay your bill, you figure, well why not put money together and go from there. (that’s not a bad idea) but you’re still putting money first. It’s a great idea ONCE you’re married though.
- Myth #5: Living together provides a happy or better environment for my children. Truth: It’s actually more unhealthy. A healthy family is built on a foundation of a committed couple, married. Studies show that co-habitation couples struggle emotionally, socially, and even academically. Not only that, but also they’re anywhere from 20 to 33 times more likely to be abused by their biological father or mother (if the two parents decide to part ways) Children need consistency. The main responsibility of a single parent is to care for their kids, not finding a mate. If God sends one, great. But if not, the child is the #1 priority. It’s not healthy to have people coming in and out of the home. That leads to vulnerability for both you and your child.
So you ask yourself, what I do now?? 3 things. And a choice.
- Move away. Adopt God’s view, not yours or popular opinion. As a believer, move away from what the world says about living together/co-habitation and move towards God’s view.
- Move out. Here’s the choice. You can move out. You realize you’re there for all the wrong reasons. Convenience. Money. Sex. Security (false sense of). Get out. you’re already in sin, don’t make things worse by being miserable forever. Repent. and start fresh with yourself and God.
- Marry now. …Or if you know in your heart, and God has revealed to you that this is who you are to be married to, then get married. Now. What’s the rush?? Why not, live together the RIGHT away. Live happy, the way God wants you to be . Don’t let the enemy fool you any longer!
It’s time to put to death the living together/co-habitation trend! Step out on Faith, and TRUST GOD with your relationship!! We as people are the church, and as my pastor said: “The church should be about Redemption” Allow God to redeem your relationship, allow Him to redeem you from your past, living in sin. Praise and Thank Him in advance for your redemption. Thank His Son Jesus Christ for dying for you and your sins. That’s redemption, you already have it.
Glory to God for using Pastor Carter to preach such a powerful and inspiring message and series altogether. This whole entire series may have even spoke to married couples, as well as singles. You never know when someone needs to hear a particular message from God’s Word at any given time. No matter what season you’re in…