it was the last set.. push out the last 10 reps and i was finished. I grabbed the bench bar with both hands, gripped and took the bar up, and brought it half way down to my chest, and back up. Down, and back up. After the fourth rep, i got tired. No longer having the expectation of 10 reps for the final set, i re-racked the bar after barely squeezing out the seventh rep. Disappointed at myself that i couldn’t go for ten, i sat there on the bench seat asking myself why i couldn’t push through.. I had the energy, had the goal set in mind… what was I missing??…
After leaving the gym with my uncle, I asked him, was I not pushing hard enough, or if i was rushing? He said simply, “you could be doing a lot more than you are doing. Its like you’re satisfied with the minimum, instead pushing yourself.”
that was it. i wasn’t pushing myself. I was satisfied with the minimum. Not just in the gym, but my whole life. My home and personal life, my job, and even my relationship with God.
I realized in one day, what had been building up after so long. over the days, weeks, and months, it had all slowly started to get to me. The reason why I’m not always motivated. Why i have a ‘cloud’ over my head, the reason why most times I should be overjoyed and happy, i’m just content… The reason why i often times feel depressed and less of myself, when really things aren’t all that bad.
the reason? I’m not pushing myself. what I am doing, it’s not enough. my life at home and personal life I’m not pushing myself, being a better person around my and close friends, not pushing myself to step up, and speak out, when i have problems, but instead just sitting on it, swallowing it and holding it in… making it worst. at my job, not pushing myself to make the best of an experience with the customer or meet and exceed expectations of my managers.. then there’s my relationship with God, I’m not pushing myself to dive deeper in His Word, not pushing myself to draw closer to Him, not exemplifying His love in my life towards other. not pushing myself to rise and overcome over sin struggles, losing the battle of faith, in a war back and forth with wanting to be free in Christ, versus in bondage to sin, not always because of Satan (he gets too much credit) but because of not pushing myself to rise up and crucify my flesh.
every side and aspect of my life begins to suffer because I’m not pushing myself…It’s not enough.. It’s not enough because by myself alone, I am not enough. with no friends to support me, not amazing God to believe in, trust in, obey, and love back for loving me, without that, I am not enough.. that’s what I have to learn about pushing myself. It shouldn’t always be about me pushing me, or me having to motivate myself. Because i wont always be able to pick me up off the mat when life pushes me down. I have to undoubtedly fully rely on the strength of God and the perseverance of Jesus Christ. If i just hold and be steadfast to His word, to His promises, be reminded of His unfailing love, His presence always surrounding me, then I know i can do anything. Anything is possible with the help of God, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. I am more than a conqueror through Him that loves me. If i rely on this support to push me, I will be more than enough. God is more than enough and so is His son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit guiding people into the truth.
The Holy Trinity is very powerful and when fully invested into people hearts, the thoughts of depression, insecurities, addictions to pornography or alcohol or homosexuality begin to lose their stronghold.
I have doubts, i have struggles, i have addictions.. letting my mind stay on my mistakes and down falls keeps me from thinking about God. How i can turn my thought process around, how i can renew my way of thinking, how i can motivated again, and stay motivated, and be zealous? is by knowing the God in me, is more than enough..
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is within you, than He that is in the world. 1 John 4:4