… another blog on being single… Interestingly enough, about 5 months ago, i was striving to be in a courtship and even writing about it. Unfortunately, God did not see fit for me to be in that courtship, despite the person I was with was ready and committed to making the courtship work… But I wasn’t ready..
WAIT AND MAN UP!
Fast forward to now.. I say that I’m single, but am i really? Am I really holding off any temptation to talk to someone knowing i have no business talking to them, or at least not have conversations i’m not supposed to have., am i resisting the desire to want to be in a relationship knowing I’m not ready? Am i telling myself no, when the invitation to ‘hang out’ with someone comes along? Sadly, at one point or another i’ve answered no to all those questions.
But through praying and the grace of God keeping me out of ‘close call’ situations, I’ve began to think (w/ the right side of my brain) and realize, I’m not what I say I am… I call myself “single” but I always have a girl on my mind, or I say I rather not be in a relationship but I’m always wanting female company…. It’s time to for me to put away my boy-ish mentality and MAN UP!
WAIT AND BE SMART!
For starters, I’m not seeking God 1st, daily, AND persistently. The bible says to seek him first, and clearly I’m not doing that, at least not in this aspect of my life. I have to know that anything good in this life according to God’s will, will be added unto me, if I just seek Him diligently. A definition of diligently seeking means to search for, or to seek out for one’s self. When seeking God in my singleness, I have to find God in all that I do. If i’m not trying to date or anything, I need to find God in my patience and contentment. I have to find God in all that I do, what I’m thinking about, who I might like, or think i want to be with, I have to seek Him first. The big thing here is I have to find God in the girl that I’m interested in, If God is not where that girl is, then that girl is not for me! i can’t afford to be talking to any female that’s not living for Christ, a waste of time, and ultimately brings me down from where i’m supposed to be in my walk.
A good friend and sister in Christ told me on twitter to that not everyone hooking up for the right reasons. She said that I’d be surprised how much I’m not missing. She also told me to cling to the Lord!
Just that little bit of encouragement and words of truth was what i needed. See I realize good things comes to those who wait… but what i’m starting to see everyday is that God things come to those who seek Him first!
WAIT ON HIM AND HEAL
One of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 27 has a verse that flat out speaks to me. Verse 14 says Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say on the Lord. [Although the verse may have not been intended intended to speak on being single, the words ‘He shall strengthen your heart gets my attention.] I may have uncovered, just by meditating on the scripture that my heart isn’t at its strongest right now. (past relationships, lust, temptation, hurting others, etc.) Realizing my heart has some of its own healing to do, that part of the reason i realize I’m not ready for another relationship.
So by seeking god first, I learn to wait on Him, so that He will renew my strength. (Isaiah 40:31)
But waiting on God in terms of a relationship can be difficult. Temptation is lurking on every side. Seems like every day I am tempted. My main problem is flirting. and its ALL my fault. very rarely does a girl ‘start’ flirting with me… at least that’s the way I see it. I’ll turn any conversation I’m having w/ a lady into a flirtatious one. And I KNOW that is not of God. How can I control that, by asking God for self control & temperance. Patience is one thing, but it MUST be accompanied by self control.
WAIT AND CONTROL YOURSELF
Proverbs 25:28 says A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Man is that true.. I have no walls when it comes to self control. I can resist drinking, smoking, and pretty much sex altogether. Its the appetizer before sex, the cuddling, the holding hands, the heavy kissing and touching, the ‘sexting’, [I’ll stop, i’m sure you get the point]. But i struggle largely because I’m not self control. Lack of patience and temperance leads to sin, no doubt about it. So i have to rely on God’s Word to strengthen me more in these areas. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells me that no temptation has overtaken me that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let me be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that I may be able to endure it. Anything I do while tempted is NOT of the spirit, It’s not of God, and basically i’m turning down His offer for a better way out and giving in to all the pleasures of the world, the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of the life, everything that goes against God. And I don’t want that. I wan’t to be pleasing to God, I want to live in the spirit, therefore I must have the fruits of the spirit dwell in me AT ALL TIMES (See Galatians 5:22-23) I MUST CRUCIFY MY FLESH DAILY! ( See Galatians 2:20) Self control is something that I will be working on each and every day, and by the grace of God, and by truth and teaching of His Word I’ll get there. (See 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Titus 1:8, 2:11-12)
WAIT AND BE CONTENT
The last time i wrote about single, I wrote mostly on contentment. 1 Timothy 6:6 says that Godliness with contentment is great gain. Hebrews 13:5 says Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Self control is a struggle, but if i control myself, how long can i really be content? I always want something. I always want to have that conversation I’m not supposed to have, but have it anyway cause the boy in me thinks its fun.. no its not. I feel like i’m not always content because people around me are jumping into relationships, and i could go off into left field about this, but i wont. All I know is that I should be content with what I have.. an opportunity to grow deeper in God in my singleness. A relationship right now is nothing but a distraction… it does not matter who it is with, the most prettiest girl, the most saved girl, it does not matter, its nothing but a distraction right now. The feeling that I’m not content with being single comes from my flesh. the devil playing a trick with me whispering in my ear that I’m lonely and I need a lady friend to ‘chill’ with. Wrong! I’m never alone. I have the presence of God to dwell in, and the company of His son Jesus Christ to be consumed with, and the Holy Spirit to help lead and guide me in the right direction.
WAIT FOR MARRIAGE
Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 7 when he says I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God, one has this gift, another has that. now to the unmarried & the widwos i say: it is good for them to stay unmarried as i am. (verses 7-8, NIV)
Paul is saying its better to remain single, or if you can’t manage, be married and not burn with passion (verse 9.) Sure I struggle with being content in my single life, and definitely need to improve with my temperance. But I am far from burning with passion. I definitely control myself before it gets to that point. And since I’m not burning with passion, I know & realize I’m far from getting married. I want to get married one day, but I can wait! Besides I realize that God is working on that special woman He has for me, so in my improvements and in my walk in Christ, the woman He has for me is working on herself as i type this… crazy isn’t it? Waiting on marriage is more about working on yourself, and preserving yourself, saving yourself. To prepare for something so special in God’s eyes, you have to prepare yourselves, and get into that mindset Christ wants you to have.. and that takes time..
WAIT? WHY?….WHY NOT?
So why not wait? God will reward the desires of my heart (according to His will, not mine) If I seek and delight in Him. Not if, but WHEN. When I just stop relying on myself to pursue my next relationship, and I put all my trust in Him and acknowledge Him, He will direct my paths.
And when I do meet that wonder woman of God, ‘souled’ out for Christ, realizing I’m not quite where I need to be in my relationship with God, that may be a tough pill to swallow. I’ve experienced it before. SO I MUST DO BETTER.
So why not wait on God, and allow Him to move in my life, taking my mind off wanting to be in a relationship and put it on serving God? Why not wait on Jesus to cleanse me of my sins, deliver me from temptations of the flesh, so that i can live by the spirit? Why not wait on God to finish this work that He has started in me, a work that will bring out the strength to overcome, patience to endure, Faith to grow, Humility to stay honest and true to myself, purity to reserve myself for the wonderful woman that God has for me, power to be the man God wants me to be… a work that will be carried on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ!
So why not wait… because after all..
Good things come to those who wait… BUT GOD’S THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO DILIGENTLY SEEK HIM