Im starting to think thinking too much is an understatement. Thoughts in my head are all over the place. Not quite to the brink of stress or anything. But close enough.
Where to start..
I honestly don’t have a clue to whats going on with my school situation. But i can say that i should have gotten all of it taken care of sooner. And on top of that take summer classes as well. But i didnt. Outside of working, i haven’t did much this summer. Technically I’m accepted at one school (University of Texas at Arlington) while I have registered for classes at a community college (North lake) . strange thing is i have financial aid at UTA but I haven’t even been advised yet, while at Northlake i have no financial aid whatsoever, and probably wont receive any for some strange reason. The solution here is to just go and get advised up at UTA, register, tour the campus real quick to get familiar w/ it, and be set for classes. Or, try to pull some sort of magic trick, get financial aid back up at North Lake, and just go to UTA in the spring… (this all looks simple reading, but in my mind, its like a loop) But come Monday i’m taking care of this and i’ll know by then, Lord willing what school i will be going to this fall. I have about 2 weeks until the first day of class, depending on which school i end up at.
Worst case scenario, i end up not getting advised/and registering at UTA, not getting any financial aid at Northlake and end up not at anyone’s school this fall. But i dont want to think worst case scenario. at all.
Then theres the job situation.
My current job is killing me with the hours. I’m lucky to pull out 12 hours a week!, but when i’m up there im putting the best effort i can give. Its challenging at times when you’re being tracked or put on the spot based on what you can sell the customer after the initial purchase. Normally the average customer just wants the computer or tablet, or printer, not the extra stuff we HAVE to sell them to break even as a store/department. When the numbers look bad, thats when they have to make budget cuts, and so on and so forth. I understand this happens at alot of retailers and other stores. So i must make my adjustments and start putting my resume out on the chopping block. I have an opportunity to step out and start a side career in insurance. But starting out isn’t easy, having to save to put down for a license, and take an exam to get the license, so a job in the meantime will be what i’m looking at. Lord willing if all goes well here, i’ll be able to go after the insurance opportunity, and save some back for school…
Then there’s the social/personal/relational side of life…. point blank, i still feel i dont have the hip and happening social life. i have a good numbers of ‘followers’ on twitter, fb friends, even circles on google + aren’t bad looking. but its like everyone i have as a friend on a social networking site, is at a distance. if they don’t go to the current school i go to, or past school, or co-worker, than they’re just a distant friend, if that. I mean part of it could be i don’t really talk a whole lot on those sites, i used to… and when i do, the people who know me personally will comment, occasionally. Bottom line is i get a thought from time to time, like… i’m not this popular to have all these sites…. not depressing thoughts or insecure thoughts, although it gives that vibe off, but its like whats the point of having these sites if i dont really use them all that much, except to post pointless stuff…. (thats what i used to do, if i had nothing to talk about) i have things to talk about.. i like to share encouraging things, quotes, scriptures. put up cool videos, stuff of that nature… idk maybe its the small part of me , that wishes to be more popular or at least noticed slightly more. I know in a biblical and spiritual sense, thats not what i should be aiming for. But i got to get it out of me somehow, why not just write about it, instead of trying to go and obtain it.
Relationship wise. i’ve wrote the posts about it.. ive experienced some encounters , so to say. had to set things straight. may have lost a connection with someone who i did find cool in alot of ways, but also it was becoming a distraction to my spiritual growth, so i had to let that go. big picture: I’m having to deny myself to stay single. Someone told me enjoy the attention that I am getting , even if i dont want to be in a relationship, but really? As a guy, that would be almost considered as being a player, and thats just not me. i feel like im growing in this area, being content that is. but its a slow, steady growth… and that ‘thing’ is happening again, that thing that gets on most ‘single people’ nerves. You’re trying hard to be single (whatever your reason is) , and everyone else around you is pairing up! Lol (and sometimes the ones that are pairing up, are giving you advice to stay single…. that i don’t get…. O well. Go figure.
Then there’s the all important. Spiritual side of things. MAN. First off let me say God, I thank you for giving me peace of mind enough to write this, and just speak my mind. My thoughts are nowhere near what your thoughts are, but Lord i thank You for listening when no one else would. And I pray that you would grant me understanding and wisdom of Your never changing Word. But also the discernment and strength and stability to stand on Your word, and no one else! Help to realize that what you require of me is a personal relationship w/ your son Jesus Christ, and not some sort of religion. Help me to know that what i’m thinking about, what i may be confused about, its not to consume me. Comfort me Lord. That i may continue to grow and prosper in You, Lord all i ask is to dwell in your presence. Help me not to sway in my beliefs in Your word based on what I am told, but help me to solidify and strongly believe in Your word alone. You are not the author of confusion. So help me to realize that you are the author and finisher of my faith! Lord i just thank you for bringing me this far. I still have a way to go, but I am grateful for what You have done in my life. Lord help me to be confident and trust in You alone. Help me to fear you and obey you out of love, help me to love others, help me to be a blessing to others. and help me to be content in my singleness. Help me to seek your kingdom first. Help me to be patient in my job and school situation, help me to realize that you are Jehovah Jirah and that You will provide for me. I know that you are Jehovah Shalom and that you would give me peace wherever I may be. Help me to represent your lifestyle wherever i go, that your name be lifted up at all times, that you would increase, and i would decrease. Finally, Lord please i ask that this prayer would not be in vain, but that you would hear, and answer it, I ask this in your son Jesus name I pray , Amen!