If its something that i’ve realized in the past few months and years, despite setbacks, disappointments, stress at a young age, etc. is that I am truly blessed. Just having turned 21 last week, I can truly say that i’m blessed with a loving family, great friends who care and support me in all that i do, just as i do the same, blessed to be healthy after suffering a scare earlier this year. Blessed with a full functional car. Even tho there are still payments being made on it. Blessed to be in school getting an education, although the process from studying, to securing financial aid each semester, to staying focused and surrounding myself with the ‘right’ people, the process has not been an easy one. But I thank God for the ups AND the down. And although the situation may not be the brightest, God has blessed me with a job continually since I started working two summers ago, with only a few minor unemployment gaps. I’m not bragging on any of this even in the least. I’m taking all that i’ve been through, the negative turning it into the positive, whatever the positive is, and thanking God for blessing me through it all. God has blessed me by turning my life around, coming into my heart, and mind, changing the way i think, speak, and act. I STILL have a long way to go.. but long story short..
God has blessed me. and i want to be able to utilize those blessings and be a blessing to others. In any way possible.
At times, however, i cant help but to have thoughts about every single aspect in life, at times, overwhelming thoughts. as far as personal life goes, i realize its not my time to pursue a relationship, not even to date, but just solely focused on getting everything together, priorities in order. Personally, my mind deceives me all the time because i think and want to believe im ready to be in a relationship again. and i know thats not the case. At the end of the day, i realize being in a relationship right now, would complicate everything else going on. Or vice versa. The confidence i have lets me know, one day, when God says so, i will be more than ready to pursue, and find a beautiful God fearing woman, and have all the right things to offer to her. Then my thoughts shift gears and goes from personal to school and job. I’m thinking if i made the right decision about choosing the right major, or if im at the right school, should i have stayed at my first school? Thinking and wondering how long will i finish? Will i ever finish?? What if financial aid runs out, and the job that i do have wont pay for it? (I’m not freaking out, or anything, because i’m confident God will supply all of my needs, but its still serious questions that go through my head) And as far as my job goes. I mentioned its not the brightest situation, i mean hours have been cut, but i can’t say i dont deserve it, my performance hasn’t been the best. Thats when my thoughts turn. I have all faith in God but sometimes i lose sight of how confident i should be in God AND myself. I mean i’ve heard people say just trust God, which is true. But as far as confidence goes, you have believe in God AND yourself. God didn’t create an insecure man, so i shouldn’t be going around slumping, moping, and groping. However, i’ve been feeling frustrated, like i haven’t been catching alot of breaks lately. I have to realize i don’t have it worst, someone else is going through something I cant imagine. And i also have to realize that I’m not alone, whatever it is that i struggle with, people go through it too. All of my thoughts from social to personal, to education, job, and spiritual, i can say that my head is not going haywire, like it did a few months ago. Speaking of spiritual things, i can honestly pat myself on the back and say Glory to God for changing the way i think, and helping me to resist temptations, and start back praying more, reading the Word, and putting the right people around me. But since coming into contact with those friends who are better to be around (in terms of spiritual growth and enrichment) they have shared with me things in the bible about how we should live for God, in both having faith, and keeping commandments. And i can say at first i was border line strung out, confused, worried, and just didn’t know what to believe. A lot of people believe that certain commandments no longer have to be kept, while others strongly believe else wise. For me, I become confused most when i’m hearing everything about this from friends before family. (And this doesn’t mean my family is not in the Word, its just means thats normally who i listen to first about obeying them and God, before anyone else)
Bottom line, i dont want to overthink anything. I want my life, in every aspect to line up with the will of God, wanting my life to be a reflection of Jesus Christ, and His example of how he lived humbly to be carried out in my own life.
And thats what I pray for every night.
Heavenly Father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be your holy name.. Lord I thank You for blessing me through my ups and downs in life. Lord i want to count it all joy when i am brought into temptation, because i know You are only testing my faith, so i can endure. Lord i pray that my thoughts not consume me in anything, not my relationships with my friends, not home life, work life, or school life, but i pray that Your grace and mercy fall fresh on me, and that You give me peace when I am stressed. Lord I thank Your for my family. Thank You for blessing me with a God fearing Mother, and Grandmother, thank you for blessing me with such a big family. Watch over and keep them all Lord God. If they are lacking any good thing I pray that You will bless them, Lord if there is anything we need to be corrected on, I ask that you will reproof us, and show us the way we ought to live and carry ourselves accordingly. Lord give us grace as a family, keep us strong, and deep in your love for each other. Help us to love one another the way You love us. Lord I thank you for all of my friends, my brothers/sisters in Christ. Lord God i ask that you would continue to strengthen them where they are weak, bring them grace, mercy, and peace, help them to be bold so they can spread the Gospel, and share with others the goodness about You and Your son Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord for the Cross, thank You for sending Your Son Jesus Christ for dying on the Cross for all of our sins, past, present, and future. Continue to cover us in Your blood, and wash us, and purify us, Help us Lord to be doers of Your Word, I pray that Your Word will continue to inspire us to live as how You have called us to live. Help us to understand, discern, and know Your Word. Help us to follow your commands. And those who do not follow your way, Lord I ask you will redirect their paths, so that they may not fall down the wide road that leads to destruction, but that they start going down your narrow path that leads to eternal life. Lord I just want to make it in. Help me to be a vessel. Lord I thank You, and I Love you. Its in Your precious Son Jesus name I pray this prayer, Amen.