Ok, so i had to come back with one more post on this subject.. so consider this a remix of sorts.
Being single could be a breath of fresh air to some, those who are just getting out of a drama filled, stressful, heartbreaking relationship.. to others, being single allows them to focus on their career, finishing school, getting their life together , getting closer to God. However, the world’s view on being single isn’t like that.
Alot of people tend to think if you’re single, then its by choice, which is true. But aside from that, people think that if you’re single, then who is it that you’re talking to, or whats going on.. obviously being single isn’t enough for them. You feel like you have to have some sort of company around. Like i said in the last post, having company, a good friend, nothing is wrong.. its when that friendship tends to lead off in a direction of feelings, emotions start to get involved, and answers are wanting to be followed from questions like do you like me back, is this thing going somewhere? are we dating?
Problem being is if it is your choice to be single, you have to own up to it, obviously you wanted to be single for a reason, not necessarily because of just getting out of a relationship, but maybe because of one of the other reasons mentioned above, or all of them.
When you decide to take a break from the dating world, you have to make sure you’re content with that. nothing more.
Me personally, im striving to live for the better, and be a better Christian, and there’s no other area in my life i struggle with more, then in my singleness. Its not hard to realize that Christians struggle with being single, people in general struggle with being single. But i will let you in on something. Not to step on any toes or anything, but a Christian has it harder when maintaining a single life, totally devoted to God, then a non Christian or non believer. Lets face it, if you live by the world’s standards, being single may be a struggle, but getting a bf/gf to fill that empty void or keep you from feeling lonely late at night, or give you something to do on the weekend isn’t that hard.
I go through that same thing too. But i realize i cant continue to go out and try to find my next gf without consulting God first. That’s just me.
Im working on being content because i know i have areas in my life that aren’t quite up to par, and wouldn’t contribute to a relationship right now. Case in point, if i were to get into a relationship right now, i would not be able to offer my gf all of me, not because of someone else, but because I’m not whole. Yeah i said it, I’m not complete . Past relationships, struggles, insecurities, self-seeking pleasures, have caused me to lose value in myself almost my whole identity…. But I’m steadily regaining and re-claiming that in Christ, because God created Man in His image.. thats why im choosing to be content, so i can get back to the image of myself that God made. Genesis 1:27
Now thats my choice… But you know anytime you make a choice made solely for God and following Christ, you know who (Satan) will be on the prowl… read 1 peter 5:8..
and this is what i CANT STAND ABOUT SATAN…sure he entices me and tempts me in other ways… but tempting me with wanting to be in a relationship just frustrates me, because i feel like i am capable of being a good bf to someone. and my weakness is a beautiful woman inside and out, with a heart after God…. see satan knows i like having company. enjoying a female’s company, as i said before, is okay, but you have to set boundaries. no late nights, keep the one on ones to a minimum if you cant avoid them at all, and whatever you do, don’t give in to the ‘heat of the moment!’
Company is fine… but what it’ll do is distract you from your walk with God. even if you’re casually talking with someone , interested in them, and yeah, BOTH of yall are going hard for Christ, don’t think Satan can’t use his evil tactics, in fact THAT’S EXACTLY the kind of connection he wants to mess up. Two believers in Christ, is perfect for the devil to come in and distract , to tempt, to lure away.. all of that. He’ll come after a Christian couple or friendship heading in that direction, more than he would two non-believers. they’re already doing his dirty work.
In this book i read not too long ago called B4 u D8, it listed 7 things you must know you date.
1. Date with a purpose. (Or don’t date at all.)
2. Take care of your body and soul
3. Know the difference between dating and marriage (besides the obvious)
4. Have a life of your own while you date
5. Watch out for red flags
6. Embrace rejection
7. Keep dating from becoming your idol
I wont go into detail about each one, but this book spoke to me while i was reading it. I have realized not only do i have work to do in my personal and spiritual life, but right now, i dont have a clear cut purpose inside of dating. I’m passed the dating for puppy love phase, but I’m nowhere near trying to settle down, so that leaves very little purpose of dating.. Im still working on ALL 7 things , and the LAST thing i want to do is allow dating to become an idol. having company is cool and all, but it shouldn’t be something to be obsessed with. #2-4 is important because that deals with getting your life in order, taking time out to take care of yourself, or ‘date’ yourself. 5 is just when you’re enjoying that company, determining when its time to draw the line, or you notice something in that other person that is a straight turn off or a warning sign. 6 is tough because i’ve been there before, while i do enjoy the company, i also realize that its gone the other way around, plenty of times. I’ve been rejected several times, but i can learn to look at it on the bright side, it just wasn’t meant to be, and there’s someone better out there… But back to having a purpose when you date….
Thats my struggle! If i choose to be content, i’ll still struggle with liking girls, i just know i cant offer them all of me.
Put it like this, i’m under construction. Read 2Corinthians 5:7, James 1:4, and Philippians 1:6.
Choosing to be content over having company will benefit me in the long run, but also will glorify God in that i have faith and trust in Him enough to know that He is working everything out to my good.
I look at it this way, “What reason is there for me to be in a relationship??” what will being a relationship at this point of my life do for me? I’m better off being single, theres more upside to it, and not only am i looking out for myself, but also looking out for the next girl who may come along, who is wanting, expecting more than what i can offer her at this point. (because the next girl who comes along will be a God fearing woman, who knows what she wants, who’s virtuous , and all of that good stuff, so she’ll be wanting a strong, confident, GOD FEARING MAN) thats what i’m striving to be.. So i choose content over company
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
(1 Timothy 6:6-8)
If you’re in a similar situation i encourage you to pray and ask God if it’s the right time for you to start dating or not, and if it is, pray and ask Him that He will bless you with patience, understanding, and most importantly self control. and if it’s not that time yet, for whatever reason, i strongly encourage you to pray, and talk to God, not asking why you dont have a man/woman, but becoming available to Him, so you can better serve Him, no time like now as a single person, then to devote your full and undivided attention to God. So remember to seek Him first. Matthew 6:33
Either way, hopefully your choice will benefit you long term, and ultimately Glorify God.