Why now?

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And what I’ve been thinking the last couple days…weeks…months…I would never imagine I’d be thinking… But I am..more or less, what surprises me the most is that I’m still thinkin how things used to be, along with how things are now, but also a thought comes in to play about how things could be..should be…will be…… But to get my head wrapped up in what was, is, and will be, well that’s asking the brain to work overtime… And there ain’t no point in that…
I just want to program myself, my mind, my body, and soul that I have to be set, and clear on one direction, and stay there…. What I don’t tell others I can release on this platform… Thoughts of why now, why give up all the fun, the thrills, the excitement, the fulfillment,?
Why now??
Then a voice comes in and asks why not?? Why not turn yourself around, why not take heed to a higher level of thinking? Why not set yourself to a higher standard, after all, the influence of the world rewards you today, but its just as good of a reward like getting a credit card… You can indulge  now in all the fantasies you can dream of, but you’ll have to pay later , and with interest…… And we ain’t talkin no APR rate of 25% either Can you afford it? I used to think I could fit the tab, pay the balance within the month and go back to indulging…. Wasting my life away…putting myself deep in debt …..  But I had a choice , keep going on and on digging an even deeper whole in debt, or call out for help….

But why now?? I have all my life to live, I have plenty of time to turn things around and get right…man do I have a lot of living and learning to do……..

A LOT..

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