Feels as if im at a crossroads in my life.. feels like ive been sitting at this crossroads for at least a year or so now.
Its like i have to make a choice RIGHT NOW, no more going back and forth, straddling the fence. I have to take a stand one and for all.
For too long now, i’ve thought as long as i did the ‘right thing’ and just apologize for wrong doing, i would be okay. But theres more to it..
My choice of wanting to live for Christ was a challenge, to say the least. I never had a problem wanting to believe in the fact there was a God, and his son Jesus Christ existed. My problem was just living for yourself, and occasionally for others, not realizing that the life that we live, and our bodies that we live in, are not are own.
Most times i would often live my life like how i wanted to, didnt really listen to a whole lot of instruction. Dont take that the wrong way, i still honored and obeyed my parents, teachers, anyone with higher authority. It was when i was in an evironment, where almost everyone around me seemed to be doing whatever they wanted to do, and for the most part, do whatever “looked” fun. So basically i fit in where i wanted to, didn’t do “everything” that looked fun, but i was taking part in things i know weren’t always right.
Now that i look back on it, seeing where God has me in my life now, where he has brought me from, i can say that those activities i was involved in were acts of selfishness, and self-fulfilling, not really living for someone greater, God, and not having a sense of living to imitate someone of higher living, his son Jesus Christ.
Having those thoughts has me at a crossroads right now. Im in my third year of college, and this has not been the easiest of years, especially particarly this spring semester. both in and out of the classroom, i have had to deal with alot of adversity. Job wise, i can truly say God has blessed me to still have a job, or maintain a job, even if it has not been the same job. I have one, and i am grateful for it. Home life, i’ll just say i live in a loving and caring family, very blessed to be in one. Im trying to address how living almost 5 years without a male role figure in my life has shaped my life thus far. I miss my dad dearly, and i know he is in a better place. But these have 5 very challenging years. but God is bringing me through each and every day. Social wise, there is someone in my life, and im very attracted to, interested in, and care for this person. God has blessed me with this person to be in my life as a friend the last 2 years, and now He has allowed the opportunity for that friendship to increase. I only pray that He continues to allow that friendship to grow and bless the two people involved in it to become more God fearing and God loving, and to obey all that the Word of God says..
thats where my crossroads come in, I’ve been struggling in a battle of Spiritual warfare for at least the last two years. I say two years because it was then where i started to become more involved in church, not fully serving in the church like i would like to, but attending more church functions, reading and learning more about the Word, and putting myself around more Christians, and God fearing people. but ever since that time, the devil has been on me like white on rice. everyday i feel pressure, i know i shouldnt feel. fears and doubts overwhelm my mind knowing i have better faith than to just give in like i do. if its thinking too much, stressing over homework, or not having alot of money, or personal battles like depression, or fornication, satan knows how to get to you.
But i know a God that is greater! that is bigger! that is Able to do exceedingly above ALL i could EVER Imagine!! He’s able to heal, restore, replenish, provide, grow, love, save, and the list goes on!!!
My crossroads is in front of me, but i know my choice i DONT want to be a rebel !
I may not know the EXACT date and time I CHOSE CHRIST, but i know that I chose Him! A song off of Kirk Franklin’s New CD called ‘Give Me’ featuring Mali Music puts what im feeling in perspective! [ By the way if you have not got it, YOU SHOULD GET HIS NEW ALBUM. ]
I choose You today, cause I need You today, I cant get away, see theres no Escape. See what You’ve done to me, I’m not the same old me. You took away everything, now You’re my Everything.